A Moving Day Brings Finality

It was a cool August morning as improbable as that sounds and when I awoke it had already been raining for hours. The pit-pat of drops falling through the leaves outside my balcony was like a refreshing of the mind. The grey skies and rain stood in stark relief against the normal summer heat.

Today was a day I had always been expecting, but not because of the weather; it was moving day. I was taking the last of my things out of an apartment that had been my home for three years.

This apartment that I was now leaving, I had moved into with my second wife. We moved from across the country for no other reason than because we could. It was a choice I always wanted to make but couldn’t on my own; together though we made it happen. That’s what our life together felt like for me, possibilities. It was an exciting time and that place for me was the launch pad for our new life together and a new me.

Our marriage was ill advised if for no other reason than the speed and frivolity with which we approached it. The marriage was itself a financial decision that made sense at the time and that we figured was just ticking off a box that would be achieved down the line anyway.

For me, our relationship was perfect. Not really perfect mind you, we had our ups and downs like most other relationships, but I truly wanted to be nowhere else. I had never experienced such emotional devotion to someone else as I did her and it was a beautiful thing. Our relationship was improbable but it was ours and I loved it.

I don’t know if all goods things must come to an end but I know that one day it did. With that moment my fairy tale was over. It had been a wonderful ride and an experience that has shaped my life in many positive ways.

I had been living here without her for two years. Still, looking out the windows for the last time this was truly the end. There was something about leaving the place that we were supposed to be happy in that gave the relationship a finality I didn’t know was missing.

As my roommate was moving stuff out I wanted to voice all of this to him but I couldn’t even form the sentence on my lips without wanting to cry. So I just left it there in my head.

As I walked around the apartment I said my final goodbyes to those memories. My life would never be the same as when I lived here. Somehow, there’s a beauty to that as well.

 

 

P.S. This article is not on this blog chronologically. It had been collecting dust for at least two years. I wrote the article on the day of my move standing in my apartment and for some reason I never published it. Now I have.

The Greatest Article I Have Ever Written: State Of The Relationship Address

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I’ve met someone recently who I have come to love. If there’s ever a reason to push yourself to get out of the house then this is one of those stories. After matching on a dating app we were scheduled to meet and I just didn’t know if I was up to it. It was nothing against her, I was just in a mood. As it turns out she was thinking something similar, but went anyway.

I’m glad we met. The person I found sitting across from me was sweet, thoughtful and intelligent. She listens with intent and speaks with wisdom and I found myself being drawn in quickly. As I’ve come to know her over these last couple of months all of those things I first thought have remained true. Those traits have been complimented by her openness, emotional awareness, creativity, humor, empathy, and compassion. Having her love and support (and giving mine in return) has been wonderfully restorative to me.

You see, there was a time when I wasn’t in a good relationship. This past had come to create trepidation for my present. I was used to the worst behavior in a relationship. The questions paraded through my mind. What will I do the first time a potentially difficult topic needs to be discussed? Will the first time spending the night with a new partner dredge up too many flashbacks for me? Basically, what damage still lurks from the past that might impinge upon the present?

With my new partner these trepidations have been overcome so easily that our relationship flows seamlessly through them. I can’t describe the joy and freedom I feel when one of these milestones passes without any negative behavior. In fact, I feel welcomed, comforted, loved and safe.

That last word is so vitally fucking important that it deserves to be said again. I feel safe. To know that someone else will never knowingly and purposely hurt me gives me a very warm and full feeling. My heart is literally being protected and nurtured by my partner. It’s such a simple thing to say but a monumental thing to actually have. The feeling is truly indescribable. After abuse, being able to completely relax around someone is so revolutionary an act that it feels like a world has been created just for me.

Without my partner I know I would heal on my own, in fact much of that work has already been done. I’m not with her for the healing solely, my love for her runs much deeper than utility, but what she helps me do in that regard is remarkable and is part and parcel of what love entails. She has created such a safe space that it has allowed me to check a number of my reactions before I let them become a problem.

I’ve been lucky throughout my life to be able to recognize the times that I am living well. I can definitively say that this is one of the happiest and most beautiful times of my life. I find myself involved romantically with one of the most amazing people I have ever met and I’m developing a wonderful group of friends.

This relationship in a lot of ways is the healthiest one I’ve ever been in. Our communication and willingness to be open, vulnerable and compassionate form the backbone of it. The love that this way of being has created for us is an amazing thing to have coursing through my body. It’s empowering, inspiring and secure; and it all started one day when two people stepped outside to meet over coffee.

An Alternative View of Labels

Like one of the authors of the articles below I have always wondered if labels concerning human sexuality do us more harm than good. I think there are arguments for both sides and I find the interplay of ideas particularly interesting.

Here are two stories of people who though they were stalwart adherents to a particular way of being until someone special helped them discover an unexpected truth about love.

I Came Out as A Lesbian – Then Fell In Love With A Man

How My Sexuality Changed When My Husband Became My Wife

As you can see by the titles, the first story follows a traditional view of relationships while the latter has a more non-traditional story arch. I hope you enjoy them and whoever you love now or come to love in your life, I wish you the greatest happiness.

How Did Your Sexual Orientation Form?

I think for many people the premise that sexual orientation is not fixed, but can vary with stimuli, will be a difficult one to accept. However, thanks to trans folks (again) we have a wonderful new outlook on the world. Here are a couple of women who might just change the way you think.

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/the-trans-women-who-become-lesbians-after-years-as-gay-men?utm_source=broadlyfbus&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000050