I’ve met someone recently who I have come to love. If there’s ever a reason to push yourself to get out of the house then this is one of those stories. After matching on a dating app we were scheduled to meet and I just didn’t know if I was up to it. It was nothing against her, I was just in a mood. As it turns out she was thinking something similar, but went anyway.
I’m glad we met. The person I found sitting across from me was sweet, thoughtful and intelligent. She listens with intent and speaks with wisdom and I found myself being drawn in quickly. As I’ve come to know her over these last couple of months all of those things I first thought have remained true. Those traits have been complimented by her openness, emotional awareness, creativity, humor, empathy, and compassion. Having her love and support (and giving mine in return) has been wonderfully restorative to me.
You see, there was a time when I wasn’t in a good relationship. This past had come to create trepidation for my present. I was used to the worst behavior in a relationship. The questions paraded through my mind. What will I do the first time a potentially difficult topic needs to be discussed? Will the first time spending the night with a new partner dredge up too many flashbacks for me? Basically, what damage still lurks from the past that might impinge upon the present?
With my new partner, these trepidations have been overcome so easily that our relationship flows seamlessly. I can’t describe the joy and freedom I feel when one of these milestones passes without any negative behavior. In fact, with her I feel welcomed, comforted, loved and safe.
That last word is so vitally fucking important that it deserves to be said again. I feel safe. To know that someone else will never knowingly and purposely hurt me gives me a very warm and full feeling. My heart is literally being protected and nurtured by my partner. It’s such a simple thing to say but a monumental thing to actually have. The feeling is truly indescribable. After abuse, being able to completely relax around someone is so revolutionary an act that it feels like a world has been created just for me.
Without my partner I know I would heal on my own, in fact much of that work has already been done. I’m not with her for the healing solely, my love for her runs much deeper than utility, but what she helps me do in that regard is remarkable and is part and parcel of what love entails. She has created such a safe space that it has allowed me to check a number of my reactions before I let them become a problem.
I’ve been lucky throughout my life to be able to recognize the times that I am living well. I can definitively say that this is one of the happiest and most beautiful times of my life. I find myself involved romantically with one of the most amazing people I have ever met.
This relationship in a lot of ways is the healthiest one I’ve ever been in. Our communication and willingness to be open, vulnerable and compassionate form the backbone of it. The love that this way of being has created for us is an amazing thing to have coursing through my body. It’s empowering, inspiring and secure; and it all started one day when two people stepped outside to meet over coffee.