An OK Cupid question: Are some human lives worth more than others?
My answer: No
My explanation: Philosophically, which is where my mind always goes, worth is a construct of our minds and not an objective reality.
Practically speaking, probably. I mean, if I had Hitler and a nice grandmother in front of me and one of them had to be shot, then I’d give the gun to the grandmother and let her kill Hitler. No freebies.
The answer of course, is yes which is why you should totally contact me. All joking aside, I think it just depends on what you want in a partner.
http://www.mode.com/stories/the-perks-of-dating-an-older-woman/11787561
Articles like this have to make a fair amount of generalizations and of course some of these will be just as erroneous as they are correct. People are highly varied and our lives have all crafted us differently (and thank goodness for that).
I would have to say that generally I prefer to date women that are approximate to my age, which is around 40 (possibly older as well, I’ll let you know if it ever happens). I find that women around that age range are far more open and straightforward in their communication. This means that we can both be completely honest with one another in situations that would probably facilitate a argument or self-doubt with a younger person.
However, I also tend to attract the more mature individuals from younger age brackets and I’ve had some wonderfully open and communicative experiences with them as well. So it may just be that this is the type of person that I attract across the board. Like I said, generalizations aren’t 100 percent accurate.
http://stylecaster.com/dating-older-men/
So while I’ve done a few graphic things with older guys, I’ve never actually dated one. However, I have been the older guy who was married to someone 17 years my junior.
No, I wasn’t going through a midlife crises. I was actually the most self-actualized that I had ever been during that relationship. Although, I did get a kick out of saying that I married her because I couldn’t afford a Corvette. Yup, I make awkward jokes even in person. However, in so many ways it was the best relationship I’ve been in, but I digress.
I think this article makes a lot of good points that I feel are probably true. I feel like there is a lot of overlap between both of these articles.
I actually want to open this up to everyone who has dated someone with 10 years or greater age difference. What are your thoughts about this experience (positive and negative)?
http://elitedaily.com/dating/someone-loves-idea-you/1321834/
I can add another sign to tell if someone was in love with the idea of you or the actual you. If they use one of the reasons for their initial attraction as a reason to break up then it’s likely you were idealized to some extent.
I’m pretty sure this happened to me. I had a beautiful relationship, or I think it was, with a pretty dynamic individual for almost three years. Shortly before we started dating she told me that she had always wanted to date a bisexual man. I knew I was being fetishized to some extent and that her urge was built upon what she believed a bisexual guy would be like, but it is important to me that my partner accept my sexuality and on that front this seemed like solid ground.
Fast forward to the end and it was the primary reason given for our breakup. She accepted me being pansexual intellectually, but had a negative visceral reaction to me liking men. Identity issues are a big deal for me so for the person I cared the most about to reject me on a very fundamental level was deeply hurtful to say the least.
I struggled with this for awhile, until I read the article below and it started me thinking that maybe this is what had happened to us. The idea of dating a bisexual guy was a romanticized one. The actual experience was apparently drastically different for her and it was too much to handle.
I want to leave you with a slightly different approach to handling the reality of who a person is. For me learning the ways someone violates my expectations is one of the exciting things about getting to know them. In the television series Firefly there is a line that has always resonated with me, “It’s my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another.” It’s about nuance and the juxtaposition of the ideal verses reality. It’s what I love about people and eventually it will be one of those things that someone loves about me.
So what about you? Has this ever happened to you and which side of the relationship were you on?
If you’re unaware, the online dating world is fraught with people clamoring to fill their profiles with information about their personality type. This makes perfect sense except that this information is almost invariably provided by the results from taking the Myers-Briggs personality test.
I’ve had a decent handle on who I am since I was about 18 years old, at least as it pertains to my personality traits, and very early on I learned that tests like Myers-Briggs don’t amount to a steaming pile of, well . . . beans. The results never really matched me and I would get different results based on when I took them. I pretty much always ranked personality tests into the same mental category as astrology; they’re both fun to tinker with for 15 minutes or so, but woefully worthless in the grand scheme of things.
Apparently, I’m not alone and the psychiatric community has long disavowed any usefulness for these tests. So instead of using that vital space on your profile to tell me about your personality test you can use it to mention which sports team you root for or that you swipe right for dogs or beards. I can’t get enough of that.
http://www.vox.com/2014/7/15/5881947/myers-briggs-personality-test-meaningless
I have to admit that I don’t have the slightest idea of who Gaby Dunn is, but then I live in a box informed only by my specific news interests and fueled by copious amounts of punk rock so this is not surprising to me. However, I don’t have to know her other works to appreciate the wisdom in this one.
What she speaks to here is one of the things I have started doing. I’m out to pretty much anyone. It’s one of the only ways to control my identity and prevent bisexual erasure. If I let people know that I’m pansexual then they won’t necessarily think me straight when with a woman or gay when with a man.
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/polyamorous-pansexual
A Catfish in the online world is a person who pretends to be someone else. The term was popularized by the MTV Documentary called Catfish, which you really should watch because it’s pretty good. Plus, you’ll never understand where the name comes from if you don’t. That’s right; I’m not going to tell you. You’re just going to have to get off your ass and sit down and watch this movie. Essentially though, a Catfish is someone who has created a fake online profile, usually for dating, in order to lead others on.
Recently, I matched with a woman on Tinder. Let’s call her Heather. Primarily because that was her name, but also because I’m sure it was a fake. Her pictures showed a very short but also very attractive woman. Upon contacting, I relayed my relationship desires to her and she fit perfectly. I realize now that she was just mirroring my sentiment in order to hook me. We sent texts for a couple of days, talked on the phone and agreed to meet for a wonderful physical encounter leading into a friendship.
She wasn’t perfect of course; her main flaw was that her responses were so short. In return I write fairly extensive and in depth messages. However, this is nothing new because even though women chastise guys for messaging them with “Hey” I’ve found that 75% of women suck at conversations too (don’t get cocky guys you’re probably closer to a 90% suck rate). I usually end any conversation with this dynamic, but I was in a particularly vulnerable state that caused me to overlook it.
Aside from conversational dynamics she seemed perfect in so many ways and I began to wonder if maybe way down the road this might not be the foundation for something more.
The day of our date came and I left work early to maximize our time together. She responded to a message of mine to say she was running late. Tardiness is a huge annoyance of mine because it makes me think that people don’t care enough about me to be on time. How bad did she really want to meet if she was late for a first date? I started to get a sinking feeling that I was going to get stood-up. Still, maybe she really was just running late.
Alas, that was the last I heard from her. I sent a text that went unanswered and when I called, her phone was off. My suspicion had become a reality, I was someone’s amusement and I was crushed. My desires, my emotions and my life are not a fucking game. Yet the results told a different story. I retreated to a corner of my apartment to cry profusely, for the first time ever my tears formed an appropriately sized puddle of sorrow on the bathroom floor. With blurred vision I opened the text messaging on my phone and began composing this:
Continue reading “A Letter to the Catfish Who Hurt Me: The one that didn’t get away (video)”
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