Does Dating Someone “Older” Make For A Better Partner?

The answer of course, is yes which is why you should totally contact me. All joking aside, I think it just depends on what you want in a partner.

Older Women

http://www.mode.com/stories/the-perks-of-dating-an-older-woman/11787561

Articles like this have to make a fair amount of generalizations and of course some of these will be just as erroneous as they are correct. People are highly varied and our lives have all crafted us differently (and thank goodness for that).

I would have to say that generally I prefer to date women that are approximate to my age, which is around 40 (possibly older as well, I’ll let you know if it ever happens). I find that women around that age range are far more open and straightforward in their communication. This means that we can both be completely honest with one another in situations that would probably facilitate a argument or self-doubt with a younger person.

However, I also tend to attract the more mature individuals from younger age brackets and I’ve had some wonderfully open and communicative experiences with them as well. So it may just be that this is the type of person that I attract across the board. Like I said, generalizations aren’t 100 percent accurate.

Older Men

http://stylecaster.com/dating-older-men/

So while I’ve done a few graphic things with older guys, I’ve never actually dated one. However, I have been the older guy who was married to someone 17 years my junior.

No, I wasn’t going through a midlife crises. I was actually the most self-actualized that I had ever been during that relationship. Although, I did get a kick out of saying that I married her because I couldn’t afford a Corvette. Yup, I make awkward jokes even in person. However, in so many ways it was the best relationship I’ve been in, but I digress.

I think this article makes a lot of good points that I feel are probably true. I feel like there is a lot of overlap between both of these articles.

What do you think?

I actually want to open this up to everyone who has dated someone with 10 years or greater age difference. What are your thoughts about this experience (positive and negative)?

 

Laughing and Learning With Guys We Fucked

I’m not sure what to say about these two women except that I think they’re awesome. Truthfully, they’re awesome regardless of what I think. If you want your sexuality delivered with a heavy dose of humor and anti-shaming then look no further. Need jokes about a groupon for getting a Brazilian wax? Check. Serious interviews tinged with humor? Check again.

Sometimes I feel like the humor can overshadow their message. However, I’m super prone to doing this as well. If my blog was a podcast I’d be right there with them so we’re kindred spirits in that regard.

This show isn’t for the uptight, but then neither is this blog so you’ll probably be in good company.

Here’s a good article with an interview:

http://www.motherjones.com/media/2015/11/guys-we-fucked-podcast-corinne-fisher-krystyna-hutchinson-miley-cyrus-beyonce#testa

Here’s their broadcasts:

https://soundcloud.com/guyswefucked

The Most Important Link I’ll Ever Post

Sometimes you do something that stands out as significant. Granted, I’m only sharing a link; it’s a small gesture. However, in today’s political climate where women are being systematically disenfranchised when it comes to their bodies and reproductive choices this information needs to be out there in as many places as possible.

So if reproductive options are being limited in your area, and they are, then you need to check out this link if you’re considering abortion as one of your options.

https://www.womenonweb.org/en/i-need-an-abortion

 

Also check out these bad asses:

http://www.womenonwaves.org/

Do You Love An Idea Or A Person?

http://elitedaily.com/dating/someone-loves-idea-you/1321834/

I can add another sign to tell if someone was in love with the idea of you or the actual you. If they use one of the reasons for their initial attraction as a reason to break up then it’s likely you were idealized to some extent.

I’m pretty sure this happened to me. I had a beautiful relationship, or I think it was, with a pretty dynamic individual for almost three years. Shortly before we started dating she told me that she had always wanted to date a bisexual man. I knew I was being fetishized to some extent and that her urge was built upon what she believed a bisexual guy would be like, but it is important to me that my partner accept my sexuality and on that front this seemed like solid ground.

Fast forward to the end and it was the primary reason given for our breakup. She accepted me being pansexual intellectually, but had a negative visceral reaction to me liking men. Identity issues are a big deal for me so for the person I cared the most about to reject me on a very fundamental level was deeply hurtful to say the least.

I struggled with this for awhile, until I read the article below and it started me thinking that maybe this is what had happened to us. The idea of dating a bisexual guy was a romanticized one. The actual experience was apparently drastically different for her and it was too much to handle.

I want to leave you with a slightly different approach to handling the reality of who a person is. For me learning the ways someone violates my expectations is one of the exciting things about getting to know them. In the television series Firefly there is a line that has always resonated with me, “It’s my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another.” It’s about nuance and the juxtaposition of the ideal verses reality. It’s what I love about people and eventually it will be one of those things that someone loves about me.

So what about you? Has this ever happened to you and which side of the relationship were you on?

Why I Don’t Give a Shit If You’re ENFP: Myers-Briggs meaninglessness

If you’re unaware, the online dating world is fraught with people clamoring to fill their profiles with information about their personality type. This makes perfect sense except that this information is almost invariably provided by the results from taking the Myers-Briggs personality test.

I’ve had a decent handle on who I am since I was about 18 years old, at least as it pertains to my personality traits, and very early on I learned that tests like Myers-Briggs don’t amount to a steaming pile of, well . . . beans. The results never really matched me and I would get different results based on when I took them. I pretty much always ranked personality tests into the same mental category as astrology; they’re both fun to tinker with for 15 minutes or so, but woefully worthless in the grand scheme of things.

Apparently, I’m not alone and the psychiatric community has long disavowed any usefulness for these tests. So instead of using that vital space on your profile to tell me about your personality test you can use it to mention which sports team you root for or that you swipe right for dogs or beards. I can’t get enough of that.

http://www.vox.com/2014/7/15/5881947/myers-briggs-personality-test-meaningless

Coming Out as a Celebrity and Why I Care . . . Now

This is an old piece I wrote for another blog that is defunct, but the message is still wonderfully relevant today (Caitlyn Jenner comes to mind).

“I finally watched the video of Ellen Page coming out as gay. Yes, I know it’s been at least 3 or 4 weeks since it happened but I’ve been reticent as of late to learn about those who are famous. However, watching it helped me to remember something important about celebrities; they are not so dissimilar from other people. Celebrities too have real experiences and the core of what it means to be human is something that none of us can avoid.

The reason this is such a lesson for me is that I have recently taken a dim view of celebrity culture as it pertains to entertainment. I don’t think celebrities are horrible people; it’s just that I think they are people like the rest of us. They have my general respect, but my admiration is earned by actions other than showing up on a television screen.

I see my coworkers devour every piece of celebrity news. These fans know the people, the movies they’ve been in, where they shop, who their kids are, and what they wear. It becomes more than a game, going beyond the fun of “The Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon.” This stuff is seemingly their life, and certainly their obsession. Sports fans count in this as well. “Did you see who we traded in the draft?”

The public’s fascination with celebrities has real harm because it is often employed as an escape from reality. Many use immersion and vicarious living as a way to anesthetize themselves to many of the things happening around them. After all, most people don’t want to read about civil unrest, the abuse of corporate and political position, or the myriad of ways in which humans are supposedly ending their existence every day. It can be depressing at times to say the least. It is much easier to retreat from the things that really affect one’s life in order to enjoy some sense of calm and even power that can come from being on the inside track of celebrity life. The reality, cruel as it is though, is that ignoring the ills of the world doesn’t make them go away. The larger that socio-economic issues loom, the more the public’s escapism with celebrities increases—much like an ever escalating arms race.

So, when I read about Ellen Page coming out, I thought, “Who cares, so what if she’s gay? Join the club.” I was busy reading the coming out accounts of people that didn’t have the insular effects that money can bring and who aren’t part of the Hollywood culture that allows for and even revels in this type of admission. I was convinced that these everyday accounts were the stories of legitimate consequence, unlike those from media darlings.

Then I watched the video. I’m not sure how it happened. I didn’t even know who Ellen Page was aside from an actress. Nevertheless, perhaps in a moment of weakness or boredom I clicked on a link to open the video.

It was readily apparent from the beginning that I was watching something of importance. Culture and wealth might change certain aspects of how we feel society’s pressures, but here was a woman bravely laying open an aspect of her identity and hoping for something positive and transformative as a result. As I watched her nervously shake I became anxious for her. It was a humbling and informative experience for me and, as identity issues often do, it brought me to tears. Throughout her address the core message of hope, love and perseverance was ever present. This message rang out and not once did she allow it to be overshadowed by her personal declaration. It was beautiful; every part of it. The experience made me realize that when someone decides to forge their identity through self-revelation that it is important to listen regardless of their social position.

Even after this revelation, I will admit that I still don’t care for celebrity worship, but this reminded me that much of what I see isn’t something that those in the spotlight can always control. A large portion of what they say and do is recorded by photographers and writers who then rush the latest tidbits out to news stations and publications. When I think of the gaffs I have made throughout my life it becomes very apparent that I’m fortunate to be free of such scrutiny.

The truth is, I was right all along: celebrities are just people. However, instead of using this fact to marginalize them as I had done before, I realize that it should be used to recognize the struggles they endure and that they too can contribute something valuable to our lives. The next time I see a celebrity in a vulnerable position or trying to communicate in a meaningful and positive way, it won’t take a moment of weakness to discover their message. I will seek it out willingly and with purpose, hoping to expand upon what I know of the human experience. When this happens, like many of the adventures that play on the big screen, it truly will be something to watch.”

Poly and Pansexual: The benefits of being out

I have to admit that I don’t have the slightest idea of who Gaby Dunn is, but then I live in a box informed only by my specific news interests and fueled by copious amounts of punk rock so this is not surprising to me. However, I don’t have to know her other works to appreciate the wisdom in this one.

What she speaks to here is one of the things I have started doing. I’m out to pretty much anyone. It’s one of the only ways to control my identity and prevent bisexual erasure. If I let people know that I’m pansexual then they won’t necessarily think me straight when with a woman or gay when with a man.

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/polyamorous-pansexual

Biphobia and its Effect on Mental Health

I think this article makes some good points. One of the things that most resonated with me was when the author says, “I could not be myself until I could be all of myself at the same time.” This has been so very true in my experience. I didn’t start coming into my own until I started being out about one of my last secrets; that I was pansexual.

I’m a little lucky in that to some extent I’m kind of like her rebellious sister in that I didn’t really give a fuck what other people thought of me. Still, I can feel the pressures that she discusses in this article and I think this is an important discourse to have.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2016/01/bisexuals-mental-health/

A Letter to the Catfish Who Hurt Me: The one that didn’t get away (video)

A Catfish in the online world is a person who pretends to be someone else. The term was popularized by the MTV Documentary called Catfish, which you really should watch because it’s pretty good. Plus, you’ll never understand where the name comes from if you don’t. That’s right; I’m not going to tell you. You’re just going to have to get off your ass and sit down and watch this movie. Essentially though, a Catfish is someone who has created a fake online profile, usually for dating, in order to lead others on.

Recently, I matched with a woman on Tinder. Let’s call her Heather. Primarily because that was her name, but also because I’m sure it was a fake. Her pictures showed a very short but also very attractive woman. Upon contacting, I relayed my relationship desires to her and she fit perfectly. I realize now that she was just mirroring my sentiment in order to hook me. We sent texts for a couple of days, talked on the phone and agreed to meet for a wonderful physical encounter leading into a friendship.

She wasn’t perfect of course; her main flaw was that her responses were so short. In return I write fairly extensive and in depth messages. However, this is nothing new because even though women chastise guys for messaging them with “Hey” I’ve found that 75% of women suck at conversations too (don’t get cocky guys you’re probably closer to a 90% suck rate). I usually end any conversation with this dynamic, but I was in a particularly vulnerable state that caused me to overlook it.

Aside from conversational dynamics she seemed perfect in so many ways and I began to wonder if maybe way down the road this might not be the foundation for something more.

The day of our date came and I left work early to maximize our time together. She responded to a message of mine to say she was running late. Tardiness is a huge annoyance of mine because it makes me think that people don’t care enough about me to be on time. How bad did she really want to meet if she was late for a first date? I started to get a sinking feeling that I was going to get stood-up. Still, maybe she really was just running late.

Alas, that was the last I heard from her. I sent a text that went unanswered and when I called, her phone was off. My suspicion had become a reality, I was someone’s amusement and I was crushed. My desires, my emotions and my life are not a fucking game. Yet the results told a different story. I retreated to a corner of my apartment to cry profusely, for the first time ever my tears formed an appropriately sized puddle of sorrow on the bathroom floor. With blurred vision I opened the text messaging on my phone and began composing this:

Continue reading “A Letter to the Catfish Who Hurt Me: The one that didn’t get away (video)”

People Don’t Know Jack Shit About Being Bisexual

I think my title justly sums it up so read this little jewel for some examples of the lies people tell bisexuals.

Okay, I’ll give you one example. Long before I came out or had even dated a guy I stumbled onto a blog with gays and lesbians bashing bisexuals. They had been dating a same-sex person of bisexual orientation and their relationships had ended. Their bisexual partners had gone on to date another person of the opposite sex and they were being lambasted by the gay community on this site for doing so.

Um, we’re bisexual! That means that we can date a man, and if that relationship doesn’t work out then we can date a woman next if we so choose. It’s not even in the fine print, it’s yelling at you from our identity title.

http://everydayfeminism.com/2015/09/lies-tell-you-when-bisexual/