A Single Surprise

This last year has taught me a thing or two about being single. Thirteen months ago a mutual decision was made to end the relationship in which I was involved. Afterwards, I knew I didn’t want to date so I took three to four months off. When I returned to the dating scene, I discovered that most folks nowadays don’t have the emotional capacity to establish any type of significant connection. The few that are seeking a connection appear unstable in the complete opposite direction, or they have no desire to date a trans person.

This has left me to focus on other endeavors in my life which were a priority for me anyway. I have been establishing new friendships and trying to maintain existing connections with folks as well. My hobbies have been fulfilling and more successful this year than in any other. My career has also become super charged and I have become more accomplished as a result.

It is fair to say that this is one of the busiest times of my life and yet something else happened which I was not expecting. Being single has made this year extremely calm and peaceful.

Now, my last relationship was calm overall. Likewise, I have always been one to accept that being partnered means that the other person’s emotions have to factor into my thoughts as well. This is something that has rarely been a burden for me.

Still, not being lovingly tethered to another person has meant that I mostly just have to contend with my own emotional well-being and that has been a very serene experience. It has been so calm that it has often made me question whether I want to include another person into my life. I am sure that when the right person comes along that any reticence I have will disappear.

Until then, I feel incredibly lucky to be experiencing what I am and I’m looking forward to the continued personal growth that this has unexpectedly brought into my life.

Dating Will Break You

I was going to write something about how I’m in love with dating. I’m sure I still will pen that article, but I wanted to take a very brief moment to share something else. Something almost the opposite of that. It’s not edited or poetic. It just is.

At times dating will break you. I had a date tonight that was pretty good, but at the end of it she said, “I’m not romantically attracted to you.” I was fine with this, thanked her for the honesty and said good night. Later at home it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I want to be with someone in a meaningful way and it seems like I’m so far away from this. I want to have someone to love and I want to be loved. It’s such a simple thing but yet so hard to achieve.

Tomorrow, I’ll dust myself off and jump back in with both feet. I’ll eventually find someone that will have made the struggle worth it.

For now though, I’m going to cry and that’s okay too.